Even though you may wish to have a successful intimacy, you might find yourself without one. Have you ever thought seriously what could the reasons be? Have you ever given a thought to the possibility that you might not be aware of what drives you to fail? And that once you develop Self-Awareness you will understand, once and for all, how you unconsciously sabotaged your attempts, and will become able to make a change which will place you on the right track to developing and maintaining a successful intimacy?
Robert’s story illustrates the power of Self-Awareness to understanding how to stop sabotaging your relationships
Robert’s father always “demanded” that he behaves like a man. This caused Robert to become aggressive with his parents – thinking that “that’s the way a man should behave”. Consequently, none of his relationships were short-lived, ending after endless quarrels, conflicts and arguments.
Unfortunately for Robert, he didn’t understand why he was failing in his relationships time and again. He wasn’t aware at all of the fact that his aggressive behavior is the one which caused all his relationships to end. He didn’t understand that the message he internalized from his father “behave like a man” has hurt him throughout all his attempts at finding love and a suitable partner. Therefore, it didn’t even occur to him that maybe he needs to change his attitudes and behavior.
One weekend, as Robert goes to the movies to see comedy, something in what he sees on the screen awakes him: the movie portrays a CEO of a high-tech company who falls in love with the company’s attorney. To his dismay, the attorney rejects him, saying he’s cold and emotionless. What comes next are the different ways in which the CEO tries to understand what drives him to be “emotionless” in order to change his reactions and behaviors, so that the attorney will, after all, agree to go out with him.
Robert realizes understands that the comedy mirrors back to him the reality of his own life. It hits him that now, for the first time, he can understand what makes him fail in his relationships time and again. It downs on him that his aggressive behavior sabotages his attempts at relationships. Following the move and the insights he gains motivate Robert to look for ways to change his attitudes, reactions and behaviors.
If you too, like Robert, find yourself failing in your relationships time and again, there is no reason for you to wait for “something” which will motivate you to becoming aware of how and why you sabotage your attempts. The sooner you will develop Self- ai porn video Awareness and find out the ways in which you hurt yourself and harm your attempts, the sooner you will become able to make the necessary changes which will enable you to finally develop and maintain the relationship you wish.
Developing Self-Awareness will enable you to:
1. Become motivated to make a change in yourself and in your relationship
Robert understands how he has denied and repressed his vulnerability and sensitivity, how the macho mask is harming his relationships. Now he feels motivated to change his behavior.
It may take you time to understand that you have behaved in ways that hurt you in your relationships. However, when you gain that insight, acknowledge and accept it, you feel motivated to initiate a change.
2. Take responsibility for your part in the failure of your relationships
Robert is now ready to take responsibility for the failure of his relationships. He understands that the mask of masculinity that he wore and his refusal to express emotions caused the conflicts and arguments, and distanced his partners.
Getting to know yourself enables you to understand your part in the conflicts, problems and arguments you experience with your partner(s). Indeed, you might well understand that every conflict takes two; and that just like you, your partners bring with them into the relationship their own reactions and behaviors. Nevertheless, you can now take responsibility for your part in the failure, instead of placing all the blame on your partner(s).
3. Avoid projecting onto your partner traits that you deny in yourself
Robert is now aware of the macho mask that he’d been wearing. He connects with the vulnerability and sensitivity that he’s been hiding from himself and his partners. Now he can stop before he accuses Pam, his current partner, of being emotional. He can check with himself whether the accusations that he used to hurl at her are true or are still related to his automatic reactions and behaviors.
Robert understands that he habitually accused Pam of being emotional because he was repressing his own emotions. Any display of emotion on her part infuriated him. Now that he’s aware of it, he can stop hurling accusations at her. Even if she behaves more emotionally than he does, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her behavior.
When you become aware of your traits, acknowledge and accept that they are part of “who you are”, you are less likely to project them onto your partners.
4. Get up the courage to remove your masks and be genuine in a relationship
Robert understands that he’s been wearing a mask of masculinity. He reviews the relationships that he’s had in the past and realizes that initially, women may have liked the inner strength that he radiated. But when his relationships developed further and he never allowed himself to express any softness, sensitivity and openness, his partners began to feel frustrated. They would find themselves in a situation of mutual recriminations and alienation, followed by separation. This understanding drives him to get up the courage to practice expressing his emotions and change his behavior with Pam.